(Part 1 of the gripping two part sea turtle saga can be found here.)
I’ve posted about how it would be totally easy to mess with sea turtles. (And I’m talking *super* easy – like scoop ’em up, take ’em home, have a super-cool all self-mobilizing pool float in 10 minutes plus drive time easy.) But despite this, by and large, we choose not to mess with sea turtles which reaffirms my faith in humanity in the same way I find it reassuring when I forget my cell phone and go back to retrieve it later to find it remains un-stolen.
“Hey! Wait a minute!” you might be thinking, “Cool it with your stereotyping. I want to mess with sea turtles and I’m still part of this “humanity” you’re going on about. Stop invalidating my life experience. I know that it won’t go over well if at my next dinner party I serve the tossed salad out of a hollowed out turtle shell and then ask my guests to guess what unusual wild-caught organic protein element is featured in the soup. Everything is so politically correct these days. But as someone who likes to fuck around with endangered wildlife I feel like my voice isn’t being heard. And that’s just not right. What can I do?”
Well, have I got a career option for you: “Turtle researcher.”
This is how the public at large handles itself at a beach with sea turtles;
|Regular beach going folk peacefully sharing the water with sea turtles.|
|Turlte researchers cornering an unsuspecting sea turtle innocently minding its own business.|
|Turtle researchers abducting a sea turtle with the aid of a nefarious black inner tube.|
|What a pissed off sea turtle looks like.|
Once you’ve got the sea turtle on its back the turtle really can’t do much about anything besides give you the stink eye. Then, as a “turtle researcher,” you get to tag the turtle’s flipper and release it back into the sea where, terrified, it makes its escape. Slowly and inexpertly.
Bonus: you don’t have to worry about harsh judgment from the non-turtle-messing-with majority. Because you know what happens during the turtle capturing process, potential future turtle
molester research enthusiast? A crowd of beach goers actually cheers you on, takes pictures, and asks you to brag about how many turtles you mess with and how often you do it. Some people even ask for tips.
So see? Your faith in humanity can be reaffirmed too because there really is room in this world for all types of people. Kumbaya!*
*Possibly this is not the opinion of the sea turtles. Especially that one turtle above with the “Bitch!? Please.” expression.