I found myself standing in the toy section of Fred Meyer after one of those days where you’re so tired, you’re aware of every time you blink.
Eyes fixed on shelves full of Cabbage Patch kids, not realizing I was talking out loud I said, “Oh, God! Even after all these years, these things are still around, staring at me with their cold, dead eyes.”
“What are those?” my five year old asked.
“They’re Cabbage Patch Kids. They were really popular when I was your age. The story was that some guy kept growing them from magic cabbages and then he’d harvest them so kids could ‘adopt’ them.”
“That sounds like very irresponsible gardening.” A spark of realization crosses her face, “Maybe that’s why the plant kids have dead eyes!”
Fair point. Essentially, Cabbage Patch Kids are kind of a hybrid between negligent horticulture and a shockingly unethical adoption racket. That’s enough to crush the light behind anyone’s eyes. The ’80’s have a lot of explaining to do when it comes to popular children’s toys…