|Not only can they make you cry but given the right
circumstances they can make you crazy.
(photo for credit)
I took a break from the Internet this holiday season. Part of me feels like I should broadcast my intention to take an e-break prior to taking one because then nobody would feel like I disappeared because of something they did or some kind of tragic, spiraling life event. But then part of me thinks that would come off as mundanely narcissistic. Like one of those people who always ‘accidentally’ hits “reply all” to emails and group texts due to a mistaken belief that everyone on the list wants a transcript of how they responded to your request for a dentist recommendation.
So that’s part of the reason I don’t announce blogging breaks ahead of time. Mainly, though, I don’t do it because I never know when I’m going to take one. Take this most recent holiday e-break:
I’m not a Christmas trees in July, have my own elf costume holiday enthusiast but I genuinely enjoy the holidays. Lights? Cheerful people? “Mama! SANTA!?” Multiple excuses to drink champagne? I am all kinds of behind that.
That being said, there are aspects of the holidays that I find, um, trying? I’m not much of a shopper. I buy stuff, sure. But I’m not like, “Hey you guys? You know what would be an awesome way to spend an afternoon? Being penned inside a fluorescent lit facility designed with the sole intention of encouraging thoroughly unnecessary consumerism. To the mall! Because, laaaaaa-dies: NOW THEY HAVE A POTTERY BARN!”
But that’s the thing with the holidays: you have to brave the stores on occasion and whether you like it or not you’re mixed in with the blood sport shoppers. I’m sure they’re all very nice people who just have different hobbies than I do but I still don’t want to stand in line behind them for five hours when all I want is duct tape and two pounds of organic onions.
Which is exactly what I found myself doing on December 23rd. I had cleared the whole day just so I could do all the last minute Christmas-y things. I wanted to quietly enjoy the Christmas to New Year week with my family and, as they say, “if you fail to plan you plan to fail.”
Remembrance of terrible books is never indicative of a good head space.The fact that a line from “Who Moved My Cheese” popped into my head should have clued me into the reality that a highly unfortunate internal storm was brewing. I started thinking about what the hell I was doing grinding my teeth and standing in line at a crowded big box store with duct tape and organic onions on one of the few days I had all to myself.
Lord. My “me” day consists of standing around ad nasuem and witnessing heated debates as to whether you can double manufacturer’s coupons on eggnog, Christmas lights, and 18 tons of red and green shit.
I had an impulse to walk up to the lady having this dispute with the checker and scream, “If you need social contact this badly join a book club or something! I will front you the six cent discount you think you should have on your goddamn eggnog if you just hurry up and move on.” But I didn’t do that because then I would have been a crazy lady screaming in the middle of a big box store.
Oh God. My effort to ensure holiday cheer “Who Moved My Cheese?” style has obviously had the opposite effect because I’m not oozing tidings of comfort and joy. I’m on the verge of becoming a raving lunatic. No, no, no, no. Screw this.
I slid out of line and returned my almost-purchases to their shelves reasoning that we’d never look back on Christmas 2012 and lament our lack of duct tape and onions though we probably would look back with something less than fondness on a holiday full of me store-yelling. Purchased holiday cheer isn’t really all that cheerful if it comes at the price of actual holiday cheer and/or mental health.
At that moment I made peace with my stress level. I resolved to take a break from everything that was not strictly necessary and focus on being present and, if possible, not insane for Christmas. Happy self-care days and, by extension unplanned blogging break, to me!
So that, in its mundanely narcissistic glory, is why I haven’t been around in a while. Did you miss me, Internet? Because I missed you. Now that I’m back to my regular routine I hope to be blogging more frequently.
Since I have apparently decided to embrace the commonplace egotism of detailing the events surrounding my blogging break, the tale of my brush with holiday madness does not end here. I will tell you more about it tomorrow. It involves seeing “Breaking Dawn 2” with hecklers.