A couple of months ago now I promised myself I’d step up the self-care factor, start a running program, and take a yoga class twice a week. I’ve stuck with it. Mostly.
The most challenging part has been the yoga because I’m really bad at it.
Yoga’s great, don’t get me wrong. During class I feel like I’m taking a leisurely swim, after class I feel relaxed and recharged, and the next day I wake up feeling that satisfying kind of soreness you feel after a good work out.
The physical bit is awesome. The mental bit? Killing me. Because you’re supposed to let your thoughts go and focus solely on the movement and breath. For me that goes something like this:
Instructor: “Inhale. Sink into your practice. Exhale. Let go. Thoughts are just thoughts. They will always be there.”
Me: Oooh! I like what she said. It’s a syllogism but still… it’s speaking to me. Go yoga teacher! I wonder what I should do for dinner tonight… there are peppers and spinach we really should use before they go off… Shelling out for organic produce and then having an organic pile of goo at the back of your fridge is pretty dumb. No. Stop. You’re at yoga. You did not just pay $15 to recipe plan in a dimly lit room for an hour and fifteen minutes.
Instructor: “Sink down into child’s pose. Focus on how your body feels.”
Me: Was Simon Pegg as “Drunk Ron Weasely” funny or not? I can’t decide. I guess that means the answer’s no. But I should have found it funny. Why didn’t I? Am I too emotionally invested in the innocence of the Ron Weasley character? Or is it just that it seemed like they were trying too hard? GAH! Shut up, brain.
Instructor: “Now inhale and come up into table top. Exhale, straighten your legs, and press up into downward facing dog.”
Me: Maybe I need a mantra so I can repeat that instead of having an internal monologue. Um… I don’t know yoga-y words. I should have learned more about yoga terminology and meditation before deciding to do yoga. Why didn’t I? When I heard there was a new “Catching Fire” trailer I spent like 20 minutes reading about “Catching Fire.” I Googled Josh Hutcherson’s height, for God’s sake. But I commit to an entire exercise regime and don’t even Google for mantras? What the hell? AGH. SHUT UP. Mantra, mantra…
Instructor: “Inhale. Come into up dog. Move with your breath.”
Me: Ok. I’m just gonna repeat “inhale, exhale” over and over. Inhale, exhale.
Instructor: “Sink back into child’s pose. Be aware of your body. Take big, smooth back breaths.”
Me: Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, I wonder when the whole skinny jeans trend will be OH GODDAMMIT.
And on and on for an hour and effing fifteen minutes. But I’ll get better at this because meditation is something you learn, right? ::: panicked voice ::: RIGHT?