I started seeing cool coffee tables made from heat treated reclaimed pallets all over the place. In friends’ homes. Online. Everywhere on Pinterest. So I thought, “You know? I want one of those. They’re unpretentious, eco-friendly, and practical. Plus pallets are FREE. Zero dollars is the best number of dollars to pay for stuff.”
DIY projects like pallet coffee tables and chalkboard walls are great because they never give off that ‘Pottery Barn and Toys ‘R’ Us threw up all over your house’ vibe. You seem creative and design forward even if you ugly cry at the “Les Miserable” movie trailer and buy swimsuits from Land’s End.
Given this kind of enthusiasm why didn’t I just make the pallet table myself? If I had married someone who was super-into World of Warcraft and playing the stock market, I probably would have. But my partner reads “Fine Cabinet Maker” in his leisure time. ON PURPOSE. If he’s going to insist on buying power tools and getting excited every time we see something made of walnut, then pallet tables are his damn job. I’m not going to have a dog and bark myself.
So when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him to make me a pallet table. In related news he now extra-hates Pinterest.
My birthday was two days ago but here’s what my living room looks like right now:
This project has been happening for almost a week.
I’m like, “Hey. I realize you work outside the home and parent and DIY projects are famous for having unforeseen hiccups. I get that we live in a 1000 square foot condo and you’ve got limited ‘shop space.’ But… two nights ago I had planned on looking at the Christmas tree while blogging and watching TV. I’ve been hiding from sawdust in the bedroom since then. I want my living room back. When is this table going to be finished?”
He just keeps saying, “I don’t know. Soon.”
Soon. SOON?! The living room has pointy metal things, splinters, and saw dust strewn all over it and six kids are coming over in the space of the next 24 hours. We don’t live in a palatial estate. It’s not like they can just go play in the east wing while we have our people resolve this situation.
I know it’ll all work out. Having six small children in my home telling me fart jokes is my future tomorrow for the exact same reason a reality show gig never will be: Adult problem solving skills are a thing. We’ll figure out the pallet table.
Tonight, though, I feel like T.S. Eliot should have said, “This is the way your enthusiasm for DIY ends. Not with a bang but a SOON.”
This had better be the awesomest damn coffee table ever.