Recently life has been coming at me hard from all angles. So I thought, “Hm. I really should make a point of fully showing up for all of this. For the semi-anomalous extra-lifey stuff, sure, but also – and perhaps especially – the foundational stuff. Foundations are key. Floss. Be mentally and emotionally present for my family. Breathe. Create a home that in no way screams “meth dealer.” Feed my kid. Apply pants on a regular basis. The nitty-gritty. Because as the saying goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough definitely have on pants.””
In the foundational pants application process I took a break from blogging because, while I love it and get a lot from it, blogging isn’t strictly necessary. I can still write without blogging. Blogging is this whole *thing*. You can’t just write. You have to shape your writing so it passes the “will I be okay with anyone on the internet reading this” test.
If you want to be a part of the blogging community – which you definitely do because otherwise you’re just playing Words Without Friends – you have to do all kinds of other things too. You have to read other blogs and comment intelligently. You have to tweet. You have to Facebook. You have to really and truly engage with the internet.
And that can get time consuming.
So I forsook blogging and most of its trappings in the interest of mastering the application of pants. But no big deal. I can pick blogging back up any old time, right? Right?
As it turns out, no. No, I can’t. At least not very easily. Because here is how my inner monologue goes:
Okay, me. One person team huddle. Which is weird. But *own* your weird, me. Own it!
Let’s do this: You’ve been off the internet for a while so you gotta come back STRONG. With a killer post. One that’s so tightly written you give people whiplash, so unique the entire internet is like, “WHAT?! OMG we have never, ever heard of this before.”
Well, you painted a chalkboard wall in your kitchen. It looks cool. Pinterest is still a thing. So just write about that and maybe people will Pin it… Yes! I shall call it, “Woman who discovered chalkboard walls through design blogs on Pinterest made husband paint chalkboard wall.” Brilliant!
Wait… See what you did just there? Yup. You rolled your OWN eyes. I SAW YOU. You know a post idea is bad when you, the author, eye roll it. So let’s table that for now… But, hey, relax. Continue getting down with your responsible, pants wearing self.
Hmmm… I know! I tried Mark Bittman’s no knead bread recipe. It was pretty awesome. And your blog deals with food sometimes. Yes! I shall call the post, “Hey, internet! I tried a popular recipe from a six year old New York Times article. It was good though time consuming. Also, my Instagram pics make the food look way less appetizing than it actually is.” So I’ll just… wait. What’s that? Oh. It’s 2006 calling and it wants its food news back. It also wants to let 2001 know that it’s over-validating Carson Daly.
Oh I know! My kid and I went to the pumpkin patch. She wore an adorable outfit and was photographed near pumpkins, cute animals, and seasonal décor. I shall call this post, “My kid is cute and fall is awesome.” Its alternate title will be “Seventy five percent of everyone’s Facebook newsfeed.” Sigh.
Ok. I know! Women and politics! Maybe I could write something satirical about that riddle where a boy comes into the operating room after his father was killed in a car accident and the surgeon is all, “I can’t operate on that boy. He’s my son.” And then 80% of the uber-conservative field is like, “Is the surgeon the boy’s grandfather? Or his uncle that he’s really close to? Is the boy’s name “Son?” THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND!” I shall call it, “Sexism: It’s still a thing.”
See? You did it again just there, me. You rolled your eyes at your own post idea. Not a good sign. Because no one has written about sexism and women’s rights in this election except for all of the BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN that have.
Ok. So: The internet is big. The world is bigger. Realistically no one has a truly unique post topic or story. Even the future subjects of inspirational bio-pics at least some of the time are probably like, “You guys! Children are adorable. Also: They’re the future!” and “Opinion piece: Cancer, unemployment, and other bad stuff are bad!”
The only really unique thing any blogger has is how they relate to their own series of experiences and the voice they use to share their stories. So I’ll draw inspiration from voices. I’ll read other blogs. And all their awesomeness will rub off and eventually pile up into a giant reservoir of awesome that will then explode out of my fingers as a really inspired series of posts. I shall call it, “A series of really inspired blog posts.”
YES! Wait… These other blogs are good. Scary good. There’s no way I can write like that. But you know what I can do? Like really, really well? Watch TV. So I’m gonna watch the *hell* out of “Parks and Recreation.” Take that, nagging feeling of underachievement!
That’s pretty much how it’s gone for weeks now. So now that I’m all grown up and applying pants like it’s no sweat I’d really like to get back into blogging. But how? I’m wondering if a part of it has to do with giving myself permission to just post. Not, “Hey internet! Let me intentionally shovel crap at you!” More, “Here is me today. Hopefully being here today will make me better tomorrow. So please bear with me, internet. I’m attempting to sharpen my awesome.”
So watch out NaBloPoMo! It’s ON.