A review of Fifty Shades of Grey*:
Don’t worry. This review doesn’t contain any plot spoilers because there isn’t a plot.
Today I tried to focus on the positive and spin the negative in a more positive direction because, really, eliminating the negative seems a little too annihilation based to dove tail well with focusing on the positive.
Because here’s the thing with Twilight and any other ‘romantic’ supernatural lit: you’re like, “Ok. Wow. So he’s super creepy. But I picked up this book because it’s supposed to be about vampires / zombies / werewolves / Middle Earth so I’m prepared to accept the male lead can be attractive yet dangerously into weird alarming shit. He’s a vampire or whatever. It’s not like I expect him to go to PTA meetings.”
But when you’re reading something about presumably relatable human people in a contemporary timeline set in an actual city it’s a different deal. You’re waiting for the obviously fucked up male lead to reveal he’s a vampire or whatnot but when it’s clear he’s just a supremely psychologically tortured dude you need a huge amount of nuanced character development in order to view him as redeemable rather than a serial killer waiting to happen.
So you’re expecting a reasonable character with a non-comic book name (though, to be fair, none exist in this book) to at least acknowledge especially unbelievable parts of the premise like, “Ok. Really?
a) In a post Penn State scandal world we seriously think someone is a catch who’s spent a bunch of time and money on silencing everyone he’s ever been sexually involved with?
b) This guy has the WORST THERAPIST EVER. Because I’m willing to bet the APA does not recommend marrying a 22 year old virgin you’ve known for 3 weeks as therapy for childhood trauma that thus far you’ve only dealt with by caning women who resemble your dead mom.”
Now I am focusing on consciously adjusting my attitude and embracing a new personal culture of positivity.
I’m proactive. Other paradigms need not apply.
So instead I’m thinking, “Well, it’s nice that now everyone who can read can pick up this book and go, “Hey, you know what? I could totally rip off a plot from young adult lit, cut out the character development, and fill the remaining 800 pages with poor facsimiles of scenes from Penthouse forum. Maybe my dream of being a writer isn’t so crazy after all!” Fifty Shades is inspirational! And a JOB CREATOR! USA! USA! USA!”
And just like that instead of living in a world where Target’s “book section” is filled with eleven billion copies of clambering, lip biting, and Opie-esk expressions inexplicably used in the throes of sexual passion I’m living in a world where a new frontier of creative expression and entrepreneurship has opened up to *everyone*.
Is this really going to happen?
It’s the power of positive thinking!