One of my least favorites things about myself is my susceptibility to stuff-lust..
Here is a conversation I actually had to have with myself at school drop off this morning:
Ooooh! Look at that car! Is that a Prius V? It’s so shiny! And energy efficient! And family friendly! And wow… I sound like a car commercial right now.
Ok, self. Focus… Your car isn’t new. Or shiny. Or even particularly clean. But you know what it *is*? Paid for. Do you seriously want to wake up every morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “I had a five year financial plan, but then I deviated from it by $40,000 because OMG SHINY?” No. No, you do not.
But oooh! Look at the woman getting out of the car. Those are some pretty cool jeans. I love her eyelash extensions. And look at her hair! It’s so shiny!
Jesus, what is it with you and “shiny” today? You are not a spider monkey. Plus you already have, like, ten pairs of jeans. And the rule is you have to be completely debt free before you pay someone to hover around your eyeballs with glue and strands of silk. I’m not sure which economist coined that phrase but, trust me: It’s a thing.
I don’t know. A beautiful, doe eyed woman with lustrous hair and a cool car… It’s such a lovely visual. How can someone who paints such a nice picture *not* have a nice life?
See, now you’re being *really* siminian. Appearances can be deceiving. For all you know, she goes home to an empty house because she had to sell their furniture to afford her eyelashes. Maybe maintaining an immaculate appearance is her way of coping with a crumbling marriage. Maybe there’s a “Picture of Dorian Gray” situation happening…
Ok, now you’re just being ridiculous. “Picture of Dorian Gray” situation? Really? She’s probably a perfectly nice woman who can just afford cooler stuff than me.
Maybe. But when you sit down to do your taxes do you want to say, “No IRA contributions this year, but it’s cool because I provide a lovely visual at kindergarten drop-off?”
No. ::: Sigh ::: This whole “fiscal responsibility” thing blows. Maybe I could solace myself by going out to breakfast…
NO. You literally have a travel mug of coffee and a toasted bagel sitting right next to you. Are you just not listening? What about “financial plan” do you not grasp?
The part where I have to follow it even though it’s hard. I have stuff-lust. Do they have support groups for this? Stuff-lust-ers Anonymous?
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to not impulse buy a bunch of shit I do not need and cannot afford.”
You know, I think I’m going to needle point that onto canvas and hang it above my door so I can see it every morning before I make my foray out into consumer society.